Last update: 12 November 2016
life face,
sorry if i let you down. Sorry if I cheated on you and stopped being myself for fear of the judgment of others. Sorry if I stopped listening to you, if I gave up on you, if I thought you would wait for me forever.
Being myself in a world that tries to make me change is really a business. Criticisms, inquisitive looks, almost imperceptible mistreatment, hypocrisy disguised as hugs, other people's expectations, toxic relationships, stress, etc.
All of these reasons made me make mistakes when setting my priorities. Do you know what it is? That I was wrong. I have confused my path and my hopes. I thought I was working to build a healthy emotional future, when in reality I was just building castles in the air.
I only realized it when I decided to climb to the top of the tower. But there were no steps. At that point I realized that for fear of rejection and of hurting others, I had abandoned myself.
I gave up on being me. I recognize it. I heard the sound of the bell announcing the end of the interval, and I could not help but stare speechless at the hands of the clock.
In that trance, I realized that there were good and bad cards in my deck of cards. I've played a lot of good cards, but maybe I've done it with the wrong people or the wrong way. Even this doesn't matter now, because new papers keep coming to me. And new cards mean new opportunities, which I believe will never change.
Still, I have to admit, I feel like I'm tired of playing. There are so many people who have let me down, so many cheating in the middle of the game, that every now and then I feel like everyone is taking advantage of my good will.
On the other hand, I must say that I understood that family, health, friends and the essence of a person are crystal balls that you need to know how to keep in balance in the air. I felt on my skin the shattering of those that fell and shattered at my feet.
I cried several times for breaking those spheres. I realized that when this happens, everything changes and when the damage is done, it cannot be repaired. Thanks to those blows, I also understood that the work is not a crystal ball like the others, but that it is made of rubber and if it falls, it bounces. This is why it is not as important in life as the others.
On this path I have learned to be courageous. And this letter is proof of that, because in reality there is no greater courage than that of one who undertakes a journey within himself.
Today I am also aware that if toxic people stop caring about you, the emotional relief is so intense that it overwhelms you. It's like the garbage leaves the house on its own, although sometimes my values ​​don't let me say all this out loud.
I know it. I understood. Because of those shots still ringing in my head, I have decided to apologize and forgive myself, which, after all, is almost the same thing. Because there comes a time when many things can be faked, except forgiveness. No matter how much we pretend, unspoken words and unsorted tears will weigh on our backpack forever.
This is why today I take a step forward and run towards that part of me that the wrong people and wrongly established priorities have obscured at a given moment in my life. This is why I say goodbye to everything that hurts me. For this I assert myself. This is why I get to know myself again. For this I create a starting point.
For this I will give myself another chance!
