Couple crisis: how to overcome it and be more united and happy

Who I am
Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
SOURCES CONSULTED:

wikipedia.org

Author and references

Many experts say the crisis is good for the couple. Is it good for you?

Do you enjoy yourself when you go into crisis? No, right?

I'll explain how to overcome a couple crisis (or a marriage crisis) and be more united and happier than before. Here's what I offer you:

  1. Everyone experiences a couple crisis but no one knows why.
  2. Forget the suspects: the culprit is only one.
  3. The biggest mistake in your life.
  4. No more crisis: the definitive solution.
  5. The dirty work is up to you!

You won't find "the usual ideas" that don't help much. I offer you solutions that will last over time, forever.



Are you ready, or ready, to definitively resolve your relationship crisis?

Fine, then let's get started!

 

Why are you experiencing a relationship crisis?

Let's start with the most obvious question: why are you in crisis?

If you listen to the experts, yes, the same ones who say that the couple crisis is good, the reasons for the crisis are more or less these:

  • A betrayal.
  • Sexual problems or difficulties in intimacy.
  • One of the two is no longer in love.
  • The presence of negative emotions (boredom, anger, a sense of loneliness and many others).
  • Interference from families of origin.
  • Material problems, especially economic ones.
  • Events that are particularly difficult to manage (deaths, illnesses, disasters).
  • One of the two has too many personal problems that spill over into the couple relationship.
  • Difficulty communicating.

Not bad as a list right?



I would add even jealousy, which often becomes a big deal.

To write it, I did a lot of research.

Perhaps you too are going through a crisis for one of these reasons.

First of all let's try to understand if these are really the reasons for a crisis.

Only then will I offer you a solution that will last forever.

In fact, the real limitation of most of the tips I've read on books and sites, even from well-known and acclaimed professionals, is propose solutions that do not last long or are superficial.

I notice that everyone is focused about the symptoms and not about the real causes of the problems.

In doing so, the crisis may pass for a while, but it doesn't take much for it to return, perhaps stronger and more devastating than before.

If this is not the first time you have faced a crisis, perhaps you too know well how difficult it really is to overcome it without ruining your relationship, even a little.

In the early days ok, but time often reveals whether the crisis has really been resolved, or just forgotten for a while.

If you want, do my couple crisis test right away.

It will allow you to understand the reasons deep (and real) of the crisis and how get started right away to solve it.


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Symptoms or cause?

From my professional experience the reasons I listed above are all symptoms.

You probably see yourself in one or more of these elements, but you need to start understanding that they are not the cause of your crisis.


None of those.

These are problems that you see, that there are and must be addressed, of course, but they are a consequence and not the cause.

Your crisis creates these problems, but not only them to have put you in crisis.

But if what everyone considers the cause of a relationship problem is not, what really creates this crisis?

The love.

Wait, don't rush.

I am not saying that the problem is that you are no longer in love.

The problem is that has stopped loving, and they are two profoundly different things.

Let's take the first alleged reason for a couple crisis: betrayal.

We generally think that it is betrayal that triggers the crisis, but the opposite happens: when a person is not happy in the couple, he ends up cheating.

The betrayal, therefore, it is not the cause of the crisis, but a consequence, rather, it is a sign that there are problems.

Another example, the inability to communicate.

Also in this case it is not the difficulty in dialogue that brings about a crisis in a couple, but it is the underlying malaise that pushes both of us to move away, to understand less and have less interest in the other.

Negative emotions.

These are at the root of a crisis. And the negative emotion arises when fear prevails over love. When we close instead of opening.


When you stop loving, you start feeling negative emotions.
This applies to everyone and this is the real beginning of a crisis.

What I'm trying to explain to you is that all the alleged causes of crises are instead problems generated by the crisis itself.

When a fever comes, it is not the high temperature that is the underlying problem, but the infection that caused it.

Fever is a symptom that signals a problem.

The secret is to understand where is this problem, because once the infection is overcome, the fever will go down on its own.

All the problems I listed above must be solved, but to do so we must first face the crisis and overcome it.

The secret is to understand that every couple crisis always arises, and only, for a simple reason: you are not choosing to love.

 

Are you a selfish person?

Answer the 7 questions in my selfishness test.

It will allow you to understand if (and to what extent) you are a selfish person.
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There is always only one reason for every couple breakdown

At first I showed you a fairly long but still incomplete list.

By trying hard we could really find dozens of other reasons why we believe a couple crisis arises.

Yet they are all wrong.

All?

Yes, all of them.

The main problem is only one: don't choose to love.

To understand this, let's take a few steps back.

At the beginning of a couple relationship, when there are no crises on the horizon, what do you do?

As already written explaining what it means to love, perform these actions towards the person you love:

  • You want him to be happy. I think this is obvious but also fundamental.
  • When they are wrong forgive your mistakes.
  • You are available if he needs a hand.
  • You care what he thinks, What does he say.
  • You dedicate part of your time, your attention.
  • You respect his ideas. You may not agree, but accept his views.

Again, the list could take dozens of pages. If you reread them carefully, they are all actions, which you do.

In the book 7 Rules to Succeed, Stephen Covey refers to exactly what I am saying now.

The essential concept is that love understood as emotion is a consequence of loving, of action.

Soon I propose a video that you absolutely must see, but first I want to reflect with you on the most important issue of all.

When you fall in love with a person, you do the things I wrote in the list.

But you know that you do them even before you fall in love?

Yes, just as you are meeting a new person that you are interested in, that you like, that maybe you think could be the right one for you.

Act with love before you even feel this emotion. It happens to everyone, that's how we fall in love: by loving.

Obviously no one calls loving the actions of love that we perform in that phase, but this is what it is, love.

One of the reasons for the couple crisis, if you remember, was precisely the awareness of not loving the other anymore, or loving him less.

Sometimes this feeling is shared by both, often not.

Now I'm going to show you the video I told you about earlier.

I hope everything is becoming clearer.

I'm explaining to you what no professional (or almost) of the couple says: the real and only reason for every crisis.

The problem is having stopped loving.

Before, I suggested a resource in which I explain what it means to love, making you reflect on what I am telling you now and on many other things.

However, I also addressed the theme of unconditional love. Basically to love without asking for anything. Why is it so important in a crisis?

Why the absence of unconditional love is the cause, the one and only, of any couple crisis.

 

Couple in crisis: where we are wrong without understanding it

We generally think that loving means feeling a strong attachment to someone, wanting to spend our time with that person.

Maybe the more we need it to live, the more we think we're really in love.

Who would say otherwise!

What if we're wrong?

What if these alleged proofs of love were false?

In a couple there are demands that must be met. Industry experts say it, I'm not saying it. For instance:

  1. You have to make me happy.
  2. You have to make me feel loved, or loved.
  3. You have to make me feel that I am important.
  4. You have to desire only me and not think of anyone else, or other.
  5. You must love me more than anyone else (perhaps children are the only exception allowed!).
  6. You have to give me serenity, pleasure and well-being.
  7. You have to help me solve my problems and not create others.
  8. You have to be a special, winning, positive, successful person (in a broad sense of course).
  9. You must be willing, or willing, to do everything for my love.
  10. After all, you have to live up to my expectations.

This is also a list that we could expand. Share?

Do any of these things seem out of place to you in a couple or do you think it's normal to ask them?

The reason a crisis arises are not betrayals, communication, sex or anything else.

The only reason is that we don't get what we want.

We live a couple relationship thinking that these "must" are natural and right, essential, and the crisis arises when they are not satisfied.

Even just one.

The problem is that you want something from your significant other.

You demand it and if you don't get what you want, the relationship goes into crisis.

The same thing, of course, happens in reverse.

As you can see, the problem is that instead of giving, of loving, we expect and demand to receive certain things.

You might think: obviously, if we are together, there will be a reason! It is normal for a couple to give and receive!

True, it is normal to give and receive, But if you give just to receive, do you call it love?

If a person is nice just because he wants a favor from you, do you call it love?

Or opportunism, second end, personal interest?

Any crisis arises because stop acting with love the moment you have achieved what you wanted or you can't get it anymore.

When to break up? Here are some reasons, do you find one that has to do with the choice to love?

  1. He no longer gave me what I wanted.
  2. He couldn't make me happy.
  3. He has changed, or changed, he is no longer the person I loved (that I wanted!).
  4. He had too many problems and it was difficult to be with him, or her.
  5. I want more, I deserve more, a person who truly loves me.
  6. I want someone who makes me feel loved, or loved, for real.
  7. It was not inspiring, at my height, I need a person more like me, at my level.

Have you honestly never thought of something like this?

Don't worry, only you and me will know 😀

As you notice, the problem is that we don't get what we expect.

In essence the couple relationship is reduced to an ATM: we go to take happiness, love, well-being, pleasure, satisfaction, and whatever else.

The crisis arises when we no longer manage to have what interests us, when the account is in the red and we cannot withdraw.

Instead of pouring some money, which we have to earn, let's go find a new card that we will drain in the same way.

Is the metaphor of the ATM, money, compared to a love relationship ugly?

Yes, it's ugly, and I am sorry to see that today it is precisely with this mentality that our relationships are lived.

I mean, I tried to show you the real cause of any relationship crisis.

If you have any doubts, try to answer the next questions, and you won't have any more.

  1. Are you willing, or willing, to love your partner if you don't get the attention you want?
  2. Are you ready, or ready, a forgive him a betrayal?
  3. I know how to love him, or love her, behave give up all the things you find beautiful in life, would you give them up?
  4. You would agree to be next to him even if it will never give you what you want (happiness, financial security, a family, children and so on)?
  5. He is no longer the person you met: distracted, careless, distant. Are you willing, or willing, to love her despite everything?
  6. He has failed everything: work, friendships, relationships. How much are you going to put up with his passive attitude?
  7. It doesn't have your beauty, your culture, your charm. He does not care and has no intention of doing anything to improve himself as you would like. Would you still love him, or love her?

Even a single no is enough.

Just one is enough to create a crisis, because just one no is enough to make you stop loving.

The real problem is that they convinced us that loving means feeling strong emotions. I also feel strong emotions on the rides!

Here are two sentences, can you tell me which of the two is dictated by love for you?

  • I've done a lot for her, but that's enough now, she exaggerated, she's done with me, it's really too much.
  • I know, he was wrong, but I chose to love him, despite everything and to be there anyway, even if it will be difficult.

To love means to give without asking, to be there without earning, to resist when everyone is against.

I'm wrong?

I do not think.

If you are not too convinced, or convinced, read carefully what unconditional love means, and you will understand that this is what you want to receive.

Now you know clearly that your relationship crisis stems from this single problem: you have stopped truly loving each other, you have made your needs, your demands, prevail over your love.

Remember: love is the fruit of choosing to act with love.

Prima ami, actively and concretely, only at this point do you feel the emotion.

Now that it is clearer what really generates a crisis, we can do two very important and extremely practical things:

  • Eliminate the root problem starting to love again and rekindling love in your couple
  • Eliminate all the problems that the crisis has generated (the ones that everyone mistakes for the causes of the crisis itself!)

At work!

Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?

Answer my test questions to find out.

It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.

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How to recover a relationship in crisis: the definitive solution

Let's make a fundamental premise: you want to be happy.

If you thought that a relationship was something negative, you would not want it and you would just run away at the idea.

But this, you, you do not think.

Actually.

Like everyone, you are certain, or certain, that if you really want to be happy you have to find the right person, you have to be in a relationship as a couple.

That's fine, but remember that the underlying reason is your happiness.

So, the real problem in a crisis is that it doesn't allow you to be happy.

A couple in crisis means anger, frustration, disappointment.

It means problems, misunderstandings and annoyances.

Are these things that make you feel good? Of course not.

The key point is that being happy means just that: feeling good and feeling positive emotions.

Happiness (here you can find out better what it is) is not perfection but well-being.

We all want exactly that.

A couple relationship is considered the first and most important step to live happily.

Why am I telling you this?

To help you understand that your goal is not to be in a relationship or receive love from someone special.

Your goal is to be happy.

We must start from here to understand how to resolve any crisis at its root.

To do this, you need to practice a few secrets that hardly any relationship expert will suggest to you.

Why trust what I'm offering you?

Because everyone listens to the experts, they turn to them for couple crises, they believe what they teach them.

Sincerely, do crises decrease or increase?

Do you also think that something is wrong?

Also consider perhaps most important: the solutions that I will show you you have to realize them.

You can't expect your partner to want to and be willing to change their life.

You can't ask for it, and to some extent, it's not necessary.

The real work begins with you.

First you change, only then can you propose the same path to those around you.

You have to do the first step, and then you have to take a second and third.

But consider the most important thing: when you start to change, following the secrets I am about to explain to you, your relationship will change immediately.

If you start to transform, those around you will notice the difference and this change will affect both of you.

Of course, the immediate reaction will not always be positive, but the way to solve your relationship crisis is this, it passes by you and requires commitment and patience.

You have to make your own a new way of acting, thinking, living, loving.

Only in this way can you offer it to those you love. Your example will also be the best gift you can give.

Also for this reason I believe that couple therapies do not work very well: one works with the reciprocal claim to change.

We look to see if our efforts are the same as those of the other and if not, misunderstandings, disappointment, and impatience begin.

If you want to solve your crisis, you have to change. Don't ask for the same, don't expect appreciation for it.

The journey is solo for the first few kilometers (I didn't write meters!).

If you do it for love, the crisis is already numbered.

Let's get down to business, here are the secrets that will change your life.

 

Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...

... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!

 

1. You have to get rid of your negative emotions

Why do I start with emotions?

Simple, because a crisis is full of negative ones, which make you feel bad.

We usually think that it is the fault of the situation we are experiencing, or worse, of the behavior of others.

Have you ever thought, said or heard them?

  • If he loved me, I wouldn't be so sad.
  • If we solve our problems, I could be more peaceful.
  • We should talk more, his silence makes me nervous.
  • When she behaves like that, I can't stand her.
  • He always manages to disappoint me with his wickedness.
  • He is numb and often hurts me to death.
  • How can I not feel bad after what he said (or did) to me?

So, unusual or absolutely normal?

In reality they are completely wrong sentences.

None of the emotions you feel are dependent on the actions, or words, of others.

Nothing and nobody have the power to cause you suffering, joy, love, serenity, anxiety, disappointment, anger, sadness.

Your emotions, as well as mine or those of your better half, are independent of what happens.

This is reality.

This is freedom.

You understand this best if you read about emotional independence, one of the most important resources I've written.

The first secret is to understand that we are masters of our emotions.

Of all, without exception.

This secret is essential for two very good reasons:

  • Any crisis is exasperated by the negative emotions you feel. If you eliminate them, the situation will improve immediately.
  • If you have negative emotions, you cannot be happy. This is the real reason why you are in crisis, remember? You don't get what you want, and happiness is the most important thing.

This topic is very complex and I have dedicated an entire practical guide to it that teaches you how to manage negative emotions and turn them into positive ones.

Think what would happen if, right now that you are experiencing a crisis, you manage to eliminate anger, nervousness, disappointment, stress, frustration, sadness, boredom.

What would happen?

It would change everything!

That is why it is the secret I begin with, the passage I suggest you go through first.

I made it clear that the couple crisis arises because we stop loving. Why is this happening?

Let's find out with the next secret.

 

2. You have to find out how to be happy

We stop loving because we are not happy.

Love is openness, it is something you give without asking, in which others are at the center of your thoughts.

When does it happen if not while you are happy?

When you suffer and experience negative emotions, do you think about others or about yourself, or about yourself?

You complain, you focus on your problems, on the things that are wrong, you observe the actions of others as acts against you, which harm you.

When we are sick, we are the only thing that matters.

Where does your tongue go if your tooth hurts? Always there!

You remember in your head when it hurts, and if you never feel any pain in your fingers, you may even forget you have them!

Do you ever think about your lungs, throat or kidneys? I don't think so, unless you feel aches and pains right there.

In the same way the more unhappy and hurt you are, the more negative emotions you feel, the more you close and do not love.

You are afraid and you don't love. Here is the problem.

If you are not happy, you do not have the strength to love, and consequently this undermines your relationship, as well as your life itself.

You and I are the same: we want to be happy, never forget that.

You must learn to be, not because someone loves you, not because you get certain things you want.

You have to learn to just be happy.

The secret is to love.

The more you love, the happier you are, and the more you feel this happiness the easier it will be to keep loving.

A perfect mechanism that transforms your life.

Before explaining how to be able to live happily (the purpose of the whole site is just that!), I'll explain why you have to start with yourself to overcome your couple crisis.

If I were thirsty and I asked you for a drink, but you have no water or other drinks, could you help me?

Or would you tell me you have nothing to give me to drink?

If you are not happy, what do you plan to share with your partner?

Choose which of these emotions and sensations you normally experience during the day:

  1. Dissatisfaction
  2. Happiness
  3. Enjoyment
  4. Disappointment
  5. Anger
  6. Sadness
  7. Insecurity
  8. Fear
  9. Anxiety
  10. Allegria
  11. Gratitude
  12. Sense of injustice
  13. Solitude
  14. Girl
  15. Enthusiasm

What you have chosen is what you will share with those around you.

You cannot give something that you do not have, that is not part of you, of your life.

If you eliminate negative emotions, as I explained to you earlier, and learn to always be happy, then everything changes.

Most of us rarely experience happiness, perhaps on special occasions. Feel joy just as occasionally.

But we get angry, we are disappointed, we feel bored, sad or hurt much more often.

If you live like this too, then this is what you will share in your relationship as a couple.

What if you were always happy? What if every day you feel joy, enthusiasm, cheerfulness, calm and peace?

How much would your relationship and, above all, your life change?

Very, very much.

For this I have created a practical guide that explains how to be happy and live the best life possible.

If you eliminate negative emotions and start living happily every day of your life, you can accomplish the choice that resolves every crisis: to love.

 

3. Choosing to love: the real secret of a happy couple

Love is a choice.

I have shown you that to love means to do certain things, to perform actions, and you know well that they do not happen by chance.

Are you kind by any chance? Do you forgive without meaning to? Do you happen to lend a hand to others against your will?

No. These are things you decide to do.

Each of us chooses whether to love or not.

Someone taught us that love, like any other emotion, does not depend on us, that it is uncontrollable, that it depends on chance, on luck.

False, very false.

But as long as you believe it you will always experience couple crises without ever being able to really solve them and be happy.

But how do you come to love so deeply that you don't ask for anything? I give you three very practical tips:

  • First of all you have to understand what it means to love.
  • Then you have to understand what unconditional love is and what it entails, even in a couple.
  • Finally, you must understand how to learn to love authentically.

As you can see, these are all resources that I have created to offer you the best tools to live a happy life.

My command: do not limit yourself to reading the guides and insights I offer you, but it accomplishes everything.

Practice what you read, take action, start now.

Before wrapping up, I want to share with you a poem that I wrote, ideal for understanding the beauty of love.

If you like, it will be an excellent dedication to start erasing your crisis on the right foot and maybe it can represent the goal to be achieved.

 

I love you, but not as others think of love,
not to keep you prisoner of a cage that,
even in gold and silver, it leaves no room for flight.

I love you, but not with the jealousy that destroys,
who pretends to pour out passion but hides,
coward, fear and weakness.

I love you, but not to feel free, happy and important,
nor as a remedy for loneliness or how
lifesaver for my difficulties and problems.

I love you, but how do you love when you are free and mature,
to share my unpretentious happiness with you,
to let you be what you want, without limits,
to accept yourself as you choose to be, unconditional,
to be there next to you without end.

I love you, but if I just say I love you,
you wouldn't really understand what I mean, why
to love as I love is not common to see,
because to love as I love means to give
and never, under any circumstances, expect anything.

I love you, but not because you love,
but why do I want to love you,
and for this very reason, I will never stop.

 

Conclusions

We have come to the end.

Now I want to quickly review everything I have explained to you and take stock of the situation, so you will have a quick guide and you can start changing things and resolving your relationship crisis.

  1. A couple crisis is always the result of ours inability to love.
  2. We stop loving because we are not happy, and this happens when we put our happiness in the hands of someone, even the most special person in the world.
  3. The secret is to take a path to solve the real problem: the choice to love without conditions.
  4. Learn to manage your emotions and turn negative ones into positive ones.
  5. Learn how to always be happy, to share this joy, instead of expecting it.
  6. Learn to love: act, think, live, choose, speak with love, always and in any case.
  7. Don't worry about the many problems that the crisis can bring with it: for everyone there is a solution.

You just have to act.

I have prepared a guide for all the relationship problems that we saw at the beginning, and that you may have too.

It would have been impossible to do it here, I would have had to write an encyclopedia 😉

Put the advice into practice, read all the guides and insights, talk to me and let's talk.

Neither time nor anything else will be able to solve any couple crisis: it is up to you, you must choose to love.

Remember that this decision is yours alone.

The sooner you take it, the sooner you start to change and only then can you do it together.

Never expect your partner to want to do what you do, improve as you think is right.

Remember to love without conditions.

If you wait for others to be ready to follow you, indulge you or support you on your journey, you will be at the bus stop for a long time.

Start, you go.

Your love, your change will be the greatest stimulus and help you can give to the person you love.

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