Complaints that poison the soul: 5 tips to stop complaining

Who I am
Louise Hay

Author and references
There are people who complain about everything. These people focus on the negative side of the situation and are unable to appreciate the positive aspects. For these people, nothing is ever enough, they are eternally dissatisfied who always find reasons to complain. Of course, living like this is not living, it's like dying a little bit every day.Moreover, incessant complaints do not only concern the listener, but also and above all, the person who complains. Whoever complains is an eternally unhappy, someone who is unable to feel gratitude and sinks into bitterness, seeing how every day everything around him is darker and darker.

What are the people who work in "grievance mode" like?

- They negativize everything, even the positive. They are real specialists looking for small sunspots. They are never happy, even when they get what they set out to do. They always find reasons to complain and take on the role of the victims. Their favorite phrase is: “Yes, but…”. It is as if they are looking at the world through gray lenses, for them there is always something wrong and no reason is good enough to be happy.
- They don't look for solutions. People who work in "complaining mode" don't look for solutions to their problems, because that way they shouldn't complain anymore. In reality, they feel comfortable in this situation, they have found a balance and by turning into victims, they have learned to take advantage of the negative things. Thus, their main goal is not to seek answers or solutions, but simply to arouse compassion in others and attract attention.
- They don't recognize their mistakes. These people have a profound myopia with respect to their mistakes. For them, the fault always lies with others, they are unable to take their own responsibilities. The problem is that they have an external locus of control, for them everything that happens in life depends on good or bad luck, so they end up becoming puppets in the hands of destiny. Obviously, since they are unable to recognize their mistakes, they do nothing to correct them, sinking further and further into a very negative vicious circle. Over the course of the day we complain a lot, more than we should and which could be considered " healthy". We complain about the weather, the transport, our boss or the neighbor, because the food was too cold or because there is too much advertising on TV… The list is likely to be endless. In fact, we could define this era as “the era of complaining.” The problem is that complaints do not help to solve the problem, by complaining we do not have the goal of solving anything, but we simply express our regret for the situation. From this point of view, complaints are not only ineffective, but also harmful to our emotional balance.It is interesting to note that some studies have shown that even if we are dissatisfied with some products, 95% of people do not choose to complain directly to the company that put them up for sale, out of fear or because they don't want to waste too much time. Instead, people prefer to complain to friends, so it happens that a lot of accumulated dissatisfaction and frustration end up showing us the bill because they generate a deep sense of helplessness. Complaining without resolving anything makes us feel incapable, and this leads directly to victimization, despair and a feeling of helplessness. Obviously, these are very negative feelings that do not help us in daily life, but they end up undermining our self-esteem and our mood.If we accumulate several days complaining, year after year, we will end up causing only harm.

How to stop complaining?

1. Accepting all that cannot be changed. Complaint often comes from mismatch. These people find it difficult to adapt and accept that circumstances change. For this reason they complain that everything is not as perfect as they would like. In reality, they probably don't have any bad intentions, but complaining isn't the best solution. To maintain our psychological balance it is essential to know which battles we have to fight and which ones we consider lost. It is therefore essential to learn to accept all those things over which we have no power. The next time you are about to start saying a rosary of complaints, ask yourself what the purpose is: Do you really want to solve something or do you just want to complain?2. By ceasing to judge all the time. We all have an innate tendency to compare and judge. However, when we do this continuously, adopting a position of superiority, it can become a problem. So if you want to stop complaining, you must first learn not to judge. We are not perfect, we also make mistakes, so we do not have the right to judge others. Before judging, do an examination of conscience and try to put yourself in the other's place. Having an empathic attitude will allow you to be more understanding and less inclined to judge. This is a difficult change, but once you make it, you will realize that you are living with less stress and that you are much happier.
3. Adjusting expectations. Laméntele tend to be based on unrealistic expectations. When we expect too much of the world and it disappoints us, complaining is a form of consolation. However, having too high expectations implies that we are unable to see the world as it is, it means that we are unable to adapt to changes. Ultimately, it means that we are living life with the attitude of a perpetually angry child. Of course, this doesn't mean that we need to stop dreaming, but that we should be flexible enough to adapt to the changes as they arise.
4. By controlling the mind. In many cases the complaints come from irrational ideas or wrong thoughts, such as inadequate generalizations. For example, we can generalize a problem that has occurred in a specific circumstance and think that it always happens like this. That voice speaking in our heads has enormous power over us, so we shouldn't take all of its claims for certain. From time to time it is appropriate to question what we say to ourselves, asking ourselves not only if it is true, but also questioning the usefulness of this inner dialogue.
5. Focusing on the positive things. All things that happen have a positive side, but sometimes we don't see it because we only focus on the negative. It is as if the individual trees prevented us from seeing the forest. It is not about taking a positivist attitude to the bitter end, but learning to enjoy the positive moments, rather than continually seeking perfection and hidden defects. When you start focusing on the positive things, you will realize that there are many good reasons to feel grateful. Finally, before you complain, remember that the change you want to see in the world must begin in you first. Continually filling out the complaint form to submit to the world won't help you, it's like pretending that a hungry lion doesn't attack you just because you're a vegetarian. Rather, learn to accept life as it is.
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