Children who do not call their parents, who barely visit them and do not care about their well-being. This reality can be explained by several factors; in some cases, however, they are not understandable and only generate suffering.
Last update: July 23, 2022
There are children who do not visit their parents, who reduce more and more meetings and end up cutting the bond. Realities that in recent times have been occurring more and more often and that, in many cases, cause great suffering.
Sometimes the departure is justified, but in other cases factors that are difficult to explain and understand arise. When one becomes a parent, it is assumed that one will receive the affection of one's children until the end of one's existence.
When you strive to give them your best, it's easy to believe that the relationship will always be healthy, authentic and solid. However, in this life there are no solid guarantees and sometimes the parent-child bond is broken.
If the parents do not explain the reason for the distancing, they feel deep anguish. I am eternally waiting for calls or visits that do not arrive. They try to contact their children to hear from them or at least make sure they are okay.
It is true that each family is a world unto itself and that sometimes such an attitude is completely justified. However, it is not always clear what causes this cooling in the relationship between parents and children. The first warning sign is the less and less frequent visits.
Unresolved grievances between parents and children can cause a gradual breakdown of the bond. The visits become more and more sporadic and there is hardly any telephone contact.
Why are there children who do not visit their parents?
In recent years, an increasing number of people have severed relationships with their parents. The family model is changing, there is no longer a total subordination of children to their parents. Many times, as a result of harmful or inconsistent dynamics, it is common to opt for distancing.
A study published in The Journals of Gerontology conducted by doctors Glenn Deane and Glenna Spitz highlights a relevant fact. When children do not visit their parents and choose to terminate the relationship, there is no single cause. In reality, several variables come into play.
Many people feel that their parents (or one of them) have made mistakes in the educational approach. Authoritarianism or lack of attachment, for example, are dimensions that often create unbridgeable distances.
Traumatic experiences and the need for distancing
A childhood marked by violence makes family harmony difficult, if not impossible. When children become independent, it is common for them to decide to move away from one or both parents which has caused them a deep traumatic wound.
Differences of values and discussions
There is a time when grown-up children realize that every visit to their parents equates to arguments and disagreements.
Different values or failure to meet family expectations are a source of controversy and inconvenience. Little by little, and to avoid uncomfortable situations, it is decided to distance themselves.
Parents who do not accept the partner of the children or partners who do not accept the parents
We may have always been mom or dad's chariots… Until we started a relationship. When parents do not accept their children's chosen life partners, the relationship becomes a battlefield.
They insist that they "deserve better" and this ends up cooling the bond. Similarly, the opposite can happen, namely that the partner does not tolerate or is not in tune with the parents of the loved one. This tension with the in-laws can translate into a radical decision: stop visiting them.
Children with difficult mental or personality disorders
There is another very complex reason why children do not visit their parents: a difficult and complex personality can chill the bond between parents and children.
On the other hand, we cannot forget about mental disorders. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and even addictions, for example, could be behind this lack of family visits.
Children with problematic characters create tensions in the family. It is common to spend long periods of time without seeing parents.
Tensions between siblings and parents with selective love
Preferences between children cause very complex dynamics in the family. When parents favor only one of the children and the others feel discriminated against, distancing is often chosen. These are situations marked by resentment as a consequence of selective affection on the part of the parents.
Children who do not visit their parents for justified reasons
Sometimes parents are not visited because they are unable to do so. Living in different regions, cities, and even countries makes it difficult to have frequent physical encounters. Even work and having a family of your own make visits more sporadic than you would like.
Despite the distance, children who love their parents are always in touch. You always have a daily call asking “How are you mom? How was your day, dad? ”. The need to feel keeps the bond strong despite the kilometers.
Children who ignore elderly parents, a harsh reality
There is a gory and even veiled fact that sometimes happens in our society. There are children who ignore their parents when they need them most. The visits disappear, the telephone stops ringing and the elderly person is immersed in solitude and abandonment.
What lies behind this reality? Once again, we insist that these are events in which many variables converge. Sometimes, as parents become more and more dependent, children find it a burden to care for them. They wait for social services to respond, for the community to play their role. Time passes and no one acts.
Portraits of a sad reality that we should never tolerate. Beyond the relationship with one's parents, humanity should prevail and the desire to provide assistance when they are no longer able to fend for themselves.