Born to Love is not only the reason why I talk so often about love, but it is also the title of one of the books written by Leo Buscaglia. Since I realized that love is the very meaning of our existence, I figured out how to become happy but also how we are fooled by a lot of distorted ideas.
The first, most evident, is that DON'T we were born to be loved. There great illusion it is to think that we will be happy if others love us.
Luck wants it to be in our hands and that what others decide to do is about them, not us.
The meaning of our life is to love, something active that we do, whether others agree or not 😉
The book is a series of reflections on love and more, because we talk about love in a broad way, and today I want to start from the many ideas that you will find (obviously only a few), to help you reflect on how to become happy. Let's start!
Born to love: giving is everything
I believe that the starting point for a guide who wants to explain to you who we are born to love it cannot be other than understanding what love is we were born to give.
True love yearns to give to another, regardless of who will have more.
The persuasion that love implies a sort of “quid pro quo” is an indication, at best, of an immaturity that needs to be overcome.
And at worst it is a deformation of love that turns the couple into two unhappy fighters competing for control.
Have you ever weighed your gestures and hers, and asked yourself if he loves you as much as he or she loves you?
Or ask yourself which of you you love the most, if you are not the one who gives so much more than what you receive?
In any case it is something that has nothing to do with love this reasoning, these doubts do not speak of love, but of fear and insecurity.
Asking oneself who loves the most means asking oneself: I will get what I want? Is it worth giving all I give?
And the problem also arises from the belief that love is the result of chance.
That you happen to love someone and that love can just as involuntarily end.
But love requires effort and […] never dies a natural death.
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Love is a choice
For me it is not important why two people choose to share their life, and basically this is also true in any relationship, between parents and children, friends, relatives.
What makes the difference are not the reasons for leaving, the occasion from which a meeting arises, but the commitment with which we choose to love, to correspond to our natural purpose.
Whatever the reasons that pushed them towards each other, they will only keep them together if they are determined to deepen their knowledge without ceasing. […] Love must grow.
It is necessary to nourish each other, with experience, with understanding, with patience, with discretion, with discernment.
The reality is that we were born to love and I will love it requires commitment, passion, will.
Understanding does not happen, it is you who choose to understand the reasons that push others to act instead of stopping to judge choices and behaviors in a superficial way.
Love is patience
Patience does not come by chance, but you decide to wait for others, respecting their times, calmly, without putting pressure.
Nature offers us an infinite variety of plants that fascinate and delight us. We know it would be ridiculous to pretend to judge them.
We don't blame them for not producing a new leaf or bud when we think they should! [...] Let them behave as it is natural for them [...]
Sometimes the best service to those we love is to keep ourselves aloof, silent, patient, understanding, hopeful. By staying on hold.
I remember the story of a man who saw a caterpillar preparing to hatch to become a butterfly.
The whole thing was long and to the man it also seemed painful, so, moved to pity by the scene, he breathed on the caterpillar to facilitate the process.
In fact, the butterfly is born more easily, but the hurry with which he comes out of the bug it atrophies their wings, which do not have time to form perfectly, making her forever unable to fly as she could.
Patience means respect the themes of others aware that everyone has their own, without forcing, with love. This is a choice that requires a lot of effort and sometimes a lot of self-control.
The protagonist of the story was certainly not animated by bad intentions. The problem is that he thought it right that the caterpillar did faster.
Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?
Answer my test questions to find out.
It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.
Love requires understanding
If anyone dares to disagree with us or express a different world view, we assume that they cannot love us.
If someone criticizes us, we immediately dismiss their demeanor as hostile. […] We pretend that others are comfortable lenses through which to assert ourselves.
When we behave in this way we do not love those who love us: we love those who love us as we want.
The problem is that understanding is the foundation of love.
In reality we tend to give our attentions (if we do it to receive I wouldn't even call it love!) To those who behave as we deem right.
We judge others based on our behavior and we reject those who are far from us, from our way of life, from our vision of the world.
In this way we do not love, moreover if we are convinced that love should be expected.
Love does not know the word "sacrifice"
People often write to me who tell me how many sacrifices they made in vain, for the people they loved but who abandoned them.
The basic concept is that it wasn't worth it and that all that sacrifice, which they remember as a huge burden, was thrown away.
When we give something, whatever, to a person we love, whatever the extent of our sacrifice, there can be no conditions whatsoever.
What we do we do because we want to do it, without implications, without debt, without fueling feelings of guilt.
So it makes no sense to blame our children for all our efforts to try to lead them to the choices we think are best for them, or with our partner, to suit our demands.
I also think something more: there is no sacrifice in love.
Not as we normally understand it 😉
If I do it for love it doesn't weigh on me, it's not a problem, it doesn't make me feel bad.
The problem, the real sacrifice, rests its painful nature in giving up unwillingly, if we act out of interest, because we want to get something and not out of love.
We really love if we love because we want to do it and not because we want something in return. Loving makes us happy: how can you call something that makes you happy a sacrifice?
If you really love, it will be others, on the outside, who will call it sacrifice, but for you not, for you it will simply be love.
Time to love
We must find the time necessary to enrich our lives and consequently our love. Otherwise, ours is nothing more than a mere coexistence.
Find the time, for example, to really talk to each other, not for a simple list of things done during the day, but for confide emotions, feelings, hopes, ideas.
Sharing who we are and become every day means finding the time to show ourselves, without haste, opening our mind and our heart.
Don't ask what happened, but how he lived it. What do you think about it, for what reasons did you live it well or did you live it badly.
Don't just say what you do, but explain because it matters to you.
Too often we limit ourselves, with the people we think we know well by now (and who we believe they know us well) to lists of activities carried out, just to update them on the things we have done.
But we are not simply executors of actions, the reasons why I write this page are even more important than the content itself.
It is not enough that I say that I have written it, it will not be understood from this the reason why I spend hours in front of the computer, I read, I try and think how to make each page I write special and unique.
Don't settle for the shape, go to the substance, find out the reasons, the emotions of others. This feeds love, the continuous discovery of those who live next to you.
Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...
... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!
The most important thing
In the end I believe that to conclude these words are the most correct.
We were born to love, I have no doubts about this, so the most important awareness is to remember that love is an active choice, and not a condition that we suffer if we are lucky.
Love is always bestowed as a gift: freely, spontaneously, without compensation.
It is also granted when its beneficiary does not recognize it as such or does not appreciate it.
We do not love to be loved: we love to love.
If you understand this, if you start living the life you were born, or born, to live, that is, a life in which you love, always, however, everything, everyone, then you become happy.
Since Born to Love speaks of love but also gives ample space to the couple relationship, I want to show you a video of mine that is perfect after what we said today.
I am sure that the pages of this book will offer you the opportunity to question and understand yourself better.
Go to the bookstore and buy it today, if you've read it and haven't thought about what I told you, read it again, with new eyes.
And if you want to share what you think, show me your doubts and confide your discoveries and insights, leave a comment, I will be happy to notice ideas that, even after more reading, I have missed 😉
