Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
The art of being a mother is not taught in school, it is not inherited or learned in books. It feels, is born and suddenly appears like an armor that covers us and gives us enormous strength, which we never knew we possessed.
Even being a dad, grandfather, grandmother, uncle or aunt means suddenly discovering that a part of our essence takes shape and conquers our heart. It's wonderful. Nevertheless, it is the act of giving birth to a new life that establishes the strongest, deepest and most intimate bond: that between the mother and her child.
Being a mother means giving shape to a love that you never believed could exist. And even if you know that you are not the only woman who has given birth to a child, your experience is, for you, unique in the world. You feel more alive, and every day you are surprised that something so small can actually be so big.
Being a mother is an adventure that is always worthwhile
When a woman takes her child in her arms, she seals a pact with him. In a low voice, almost whispering, he promises that he will do everything he can to make him a happy person, to protect him from harm and to support him in all his choices, every day of his life.
His heart suddenly becomes bigger and, with it, his ability to love. It is a different love, and so powerful that it will make you forgive what others do not forgive. And the sleepless nights will not matter, those hours wasted looking after him when he is sick, when he will call you because he is afraid of the dark ...
They will be children only once in their lifetime, but you will be their mothers forever. And this is a pact that you accept with immense serenity, aware of what it entails, of the responsibility it entails. Being a mom or being a dad is an adventure that will always be worthwhile.
Being a mother: an invisible thread that nourishes, educates and frees
There are those who perceive when "it is time". The moment she wants to be a mother, because she feels that it must be, and because her personal situation allows her. In other cases she may be an unexpected event that scares us at first, until we manage to accept it and eventually it becomes the best unexpected event of our life.
Being a mother means being linked to our children by an invisible thread that cannot be cut.
But there is one thing that many mothers (and fathers) fear: it is the fear of doing something wrong. Of don't be good parents. Very often we remember the mistakes of our parents, and we repeat to ourselves that we don't want to make them too:
- That feeling of distance that has never allowed us to establish a real bond with them.
- Feeling every day that something was missing in our childhood: lack of recognition, insecurity, criticism.
- Having received a very rigid education, in which adequate dialogue was lacking and in which there were only rules, distance and coldness.
- In reverse, have suffered the consequences of aoverprotective education, which prevented our personal development, damaging our ability to choose and be sure of ourselves.
It is obvious that no one will ever have the perfect mom or dad handbook in their hands, but what we need to understand is that you don't need to be perfect. What we have to do is “be mothers”, be there; and to do so, it is enough to put these principles into practice.
A child who is recognized, loved and valued in the family will feel safer when exploring the world.
As a mother, you offer the essential values that define you: respect for oneself and for others, love, understanding, empathy, freedom, respect for nature, self-improvement, humility, etc.
Being a mother means first of all promoting their happiness, so that tomorrow they will become free, mature adults capable of making others happy in turn.
Affective bonds that do not judge and do not submit. Constraints that protect and care for.
There are mothers who are surprised by the personality of their children, as if, in a sense, they wish they were exact copies of themselves or their husbands. They judge them sometimes scold them for it, even in front of other people.
But children are not copies of their parents, children are free creatures with their own character and specific needs that adults must understand if they are to be able to stimulate, encourage and guide them along the path of happiness.
Being a mother also means accepting our children as they are, taking them by the hand to accompany them along the best possible path. Later, we will encourage them to be independent by making them responsible and committed people.
It is not an easy task, but a life project in which the bond you establish with your children will become the main engine that will give you strength and keep you going. Because everything is worth it when it's done with love.