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    Be more assertive in five techniques

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    Joe Dispenza

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    Earlier we referred to assertive rights, but no doubt, those who try to apply them without assuming an assertive attitude themselves will likely end up hitting the wall of convention and rigidity. For this reason, assertiveness does not only mean asserting one's personal rights but rather asserting rights from the point of view of an assertive attitude and respect for the other person. In this regard, some techniques may be useful: 1. The broken record. We cannot expect people to accept our ideas right away, it would be very strange and beautiful the world if that were the case, for this reason it is important to be persistent in a respectful way towards each other. Repeat over and over again what we want, without getting angry, irritated or raising our voices. With a little practice it won't be that difficult. 2. Self-disclosure. When we do not communicate many times, the topics do not flow adequately simply because the other person does not know for sure what we think or feel and therefore it is vital to reveal information about us. We should be able to express how we think, feel and react to what our interlocutor tells us, this will allow the other to understand and respect our opinions and decisions even if he does not accept them. 3. Fog bank. There is a little story that perfectly exemplifies this technique: “Two old men meet after many years, and one says to the other: -You still look like a young man, but what do you do to keep yourself so well? -I simply never contradict anyone, I accept the opinions of anyone. So I don't get bothered and I am all the time involved in unimportant discussions. -I don't believe it .- The other replies. -I assure you it is so. -The first repeats him smiling. The other elder, very incredulous, refuses to believe that this is the magic formula of his friend and continues to ask him in an increasingly accusatory and annoyed tone what the reason is until the first, after having explained in detail his strategy without however, being able to convince his friend, without losing his calm and even less the smile he replies: -You are right, this is not the cause .- And he goes away smiling. " Many times the people around us are critical and refuse to accept our reality. We cannot wait for everyone to accept our ideas and ways of thinking, for this reason, there are situations in which being assertive is not offering resistance, not fighting back, there are many probabilities that the other person will end up giving up or giving in. 4. Negative question. There are times when we do not agree with the ideas of our interlocutor, however, expressing directly: "your idea is wrong" would favor the closure of the other on his positions. Very different result if we use a positive interrogative sentence: “I don't understand. Could you explain to me what's wrong with…? This type of question will lead to a dialogue that allows you to deepen the question by putting the two different opinions on the same level. 5. Negative assertion. There are occasions when it is we who are wrong, then it is enough to acknowledge: “It is true. I was wrong." Mistakes are not negative, negative is not accepting them and not learning from them. Accepting that we were wrong highlights our maturity and readiness for dialogue. Of course, these are just some of the many assertive techniques that exist, the essential thing is to keep our principles in mind and at the same time be able to listen to the ideas of others in a flexible way. It is not essential to win but to reach an agreement that is respectful for both parties.
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