Asking For Help: Why Is It So Difficult?

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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When we are children we have no difficulty in asking for help but as we grow up, something begins to change; we become more reluctant to ask someone to help us, it costs us a little more to say those magic words "help me please?". Because? What is the cause of this change in our behavior?

The reasons are manifold. First, we find a social determination at the base. That is to say, it is assumed that as we grow up, we become more independent which means we have to do things ourselves, we have to solve problems on our own. In fact, asking for help is almost embarrassing because it means that we are unable to deal with situations alone, we are not smart enough, strong and competent enough.



This idea has settled so deeply into our consciousness that we don't even realize it doesn't make any sense. Growing up does not mean that we do not need others, it does not mean that we have to face the world alone, above all it does not mean that we cannot get help. When we grow up, we do not need someone to hold our hand and take us everywhere or to guide the movements of our hands in every activity, but we need someone who gives us their emotional support, who helps us to identify the best way to make a decision. In reality, it is precisely in this area where we learn things together with others where we develop our full potential to the fullest.

However, it is not all limited to social conditioning, another reason why we find it difficult to ask for help is because we do not want the other person to know about our problems, perhaps because we are ashamed of them. This is often the case with those suffering from addiction or economic hardship. Underlying this shame is the belief that others will love us less as failures, and the fear of being judged. In reality, when a person truly loves someone, they will be willing to do everything to avoid suffering and therefore will not stop loving them for a specific problem. On the contrary, he will try to help her.



Finally, another reason we have a hard time asking for help is pride. That is, some think that asking for help is synonymous with recognizing that they have made a mistake or that they are unable to do something on their own. On the contrary, the act of asking for help does not represent a defeat, it is not a capitulation, instead, it is an act of courage that involves recognizing our limits, but also being ready to overcome them with the help of another person.


So the next time you find yourself in a bind and don't know how to get out of it, don't hesitate to ask for help. Remember that relationships often become stronger after experiencing the goodness of those who help you. There is no such thing as a difficult situation to strengthen the bond between people.


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