Last update: July 17, 2015
A past full of negative experiences can be a heavy burden. Many people, instead of learning from experience and making it useful so as not to repeat the same mistakes, load this weight as if it were a rock that prevents them from moving forward, or worse still, as if it were an anchor that does not allow them to get out. from the port.
Are you emotionally attached to the negativity of your past? Does this attachment interfere with your adult life?
We will now see what are the signs that indicate an emotional union with a negative past, so that you know that you can let go and download all that negative energy that you carry inside.
Signs that you have not overcome the wounds of the past
- Don't talk about past negative experiences
If what has happened in the past is no longer a problem for you, you won't mind talking about it when the opportunity arises. If you have overcome a negative situation, it will not be difficult for you to talk about it, indeed, it will be a reason to mature; talking about it will also help you share what you have learned. If, on the other hand, you are emotionally united to this pain, reliving it will mean reliving the suffering.
- Repress your emotions
People need to express their emotions, both positive and negative. When the emotions in question make you uncomfortable, you tend to block their free expression, because you think that by doing so, you will avoid the pain they produce.
However, this strategy is absolutely counterproductive: when you repress your emotions, you actually cling to them. If, on the other hand, you express them freely, it will be easier to let them go; denying and repressing emotions causes an unconscious attachment to them.
- You cannot control your impulses
The impulses originate in the emotions. When you repress emotions, even if you don't express them, you are still reacting; if you don't allow them to flow freely, they will focus and cause you to lose control. You will be seized by an anxiety that you will not be able to control and you will react impulsively because your emotions are not healthy. This leads to bad decisions, vicious behaviors, and feelings of grief and guilt.
- Constantly repeat the same mistakes
Repeating the same mistakes is a sign of attachment to the negative past; continually making the same bad decisions is an important warning sign that something negative from your past history continues to affect you and that you need to resolve this situation.
- Maintain negative feelings towards people connected to past experiences
When one is emotionally united with a negative past, one retains feelings of pain, grief, resentment and / or fear towards the people connected to it. These feelings can appear at any time, in response to an external situation or to your thoughts.
- You don't feel comfortable with people connected to a negative past
This happens frequently in family gatherings: if you cling to the negativity of a past to which relatives belong, when you are in their company you will not feel yourself, you will feel that you have to adapt to their expectations or you will feel that you are not what they would like. This means that you do not behave the same way as in other circles and that you do not speak sincerely (or do not speak at all).
- You are afraid of the judgment of others
Often, in the family, it happens that some attitudes are not approved; this causes a certain fear of the judgment of others to spread, which can be friends, partner and even strangers. This general fear has its roots in the original dynamics of the family and the school.
- With your children, you behave as your parents behaved with you
It is very common to treat children in the same negative way that their parents adopted. Surprisingly, it happens that you are fully aware of when this happens and you know that it is not good; however, we are dealing with a model by now absorbed from which we cannot detach ourselves, as if, with it, we were trying to justify the unjustifiable.
- You feel that you are married to your father or mother
People who have not overcome the negativity of their past end up marrying the exact copy of their father or mother. Also, not being able to break away from this past negativity, they will only realize it after a while.
This behavior may be due to the fact that such people, unknowingly, believe that by marrying the same type of person and changing them, they will also change the past and overcome the pain they have dragged along with them until now.
- You feel limited, but you can't explain why
In the past, it has certainly happened that the family or school have acted very severely because their principles were based on excessively rigid rules; you can see that, even today, you continue to follow those rules automatically. They cause you internal limitations that you are unable to identify and that keep the link with the past alive.
You are convinced that these norms protect you, but, in reality, they are capable of severely limiting your adult life.
Overcoming the negativity of the past
It is not necessary to relive the past to overcome it: it may be useful for someone, but it is not always essential or beneficial to emotionally experience the memories of the past. The solution to overcome these wounds lies in making new choices today.
It is essential to recognize the influence of the past on the present and the effects it continues to produce; you have to talk about it and not repress your emotions about it. Only in this way will you be able to consciously make decisions that will lead you to a new and different path.