There is a type of attraction that goes beyond the physical aspect: it arises from affection and daily complicity. This is where we begin to share interests and hobbies with someone, creating a bond made up of values, dreams and passions ... Here, almost without realizing it, love is born.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
The affection-centered law of attraction was defined by psychologist Donn Byrne in the eighties. According to this model, one of the factors behind falling in love is the sharing of interests, values and hobbies.
Within these spaces made of intertwined emotions and passions, little by little the most sincere affection and attraction emerge; a special bond is thus established.
We know that love is a fundamental feeling for the human being. However, even today, we struggle to understand how it manifests itself, why and what factors regulate it. Fields such as neuroscience, psychology, biology or anthropology have been trying for decades to give us an explanation.
It must be admitted: love is a psychological, primitive, magical, spiritual mystery and even ruled by chance. Numerous theories try to describe the various ways of loving.
There are passionate and obsessive relationships, those based on intimacy and friendship; there are interested loves, those based on commitment and those that make up each of these dynamics.
Then there is a love familiar to many of us: the one in which affection arises through daily contact, where complicity creates roots and a network of trust in which loyalty and emotional honesty grow.
“In the beginning, all thoughts belong to love. After all, love belongs to our thoughts ”.
-Albert Einstein-
Affection-focused law of attraction
When it comes to patterns of attraction in interpersonal relationships, it is easy to think of the importance that physical appearance can have.
Physical attraction is very powerful and generates a pleasant sensation that is difficult to escape from. However, we know that there are feelings and emotions that go beyond appearances.
The law of attraction centered on affection enunciated by Donn Byrne, a well-known social psychologist who is also expert in the field of personality, speaks to us of a deeper, more delicate and interesting dimension from a psychological point of view.
In one of his studies, carried out at the University of Texas, Byrne shows us that factors such as reciprocity, daily contact, shared interests and common beliefs can generate intense and sincere affection.
Does this mean, for example, that we will fall in love earlier with a colleague or classmate we see every day rather than a person we meet by chance? The answer is: not always.
For the attraction to emerge, there must be various factors. It is no coincidence that we feel nothing for many people with whom we share time and hobbies. In the following paragraphs we list the factors contemplated in the law of attraction centered on affection.
Behavioral factors
We all grow up and live in scenarios where we interact with a certain number of people. Daily contact doesn't always trigger attraction or affection.
These, in fact, appear only towards certain people whose behaviors suddenly appear positive and attractive to us.
- Some behaviors are more pleasant. Examples include a sense of humor, sociability, closeness, social skills, etc.
- It also attracts the propensity for behaviors that increase our well-being. For example, we would be more attracted to those who offer us help or care for us.
- Sharing your time creates the magic of the bond. Pursuing the same hobbies and creating an environment in which we feel useful and special is always very positive.
Emotional Factors in the Affection-Centered Law of Attraction
From these daily interactions with the person with whom we share common time and activities, a series of emotional mechanisms are activated that fuel the intensity of the bond. Between these:
- Empathy. Some relationships start with a friendship. Over time, however, an emotional connection is created in which often a gesture is enough to know how the other person is feeling or what worries them.
- Some couples experience a kind of "magnetism", which is an attraction they immediately fall victim to. The affection-centered law of attraction does not cover this type of attraction. Vice versa, love grows slowly from trust that is created in everyday life, from loyalty and honesty.
How we interpret each sensation experienced
The affection-centered law of attraction also reminds us that sometimes love doesn't come from what a person does for us. What really matters is how it makes us feel. Likewise, sharing spaces or looking after someone doesn't always ignite the flame of attraction.
Aspects that are as diverse as they are complex come into play: cognitive, personality, emotional, etc. Even those who often don't have a clear explanation. Carl Jung called it chemistry. There are people with whom we experience certain emotions, while with others we do not. It is a pleasant and mysterious alchemy at the same time.
As we can see, the affection-centered law of attraction would explain many aspects of love. Many experiences that have marked our life and that we have never been able to understand.
