Adopting a child: 4 thoughts to make

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Robert Maurer

Adopting a child: 4 thoughts to make

Adopting a child represents a huge opportunity for those who cannot have children naturally. It is a different way of becoming parents, which stimulates the creation of a parent-child bond as strong as the biological one.

Last update: February 18, 2022

Adopting a child represents a huge opportunity for those who cannot have children naturally. It is a different way of becoming a parent that stimulates the creation of a parent-child bond as strong as the biological one.

On the other hand, the adoption procedures start from the parents' decision to start a long journey, made up of some obstacles that are worth analyzing before continuing.

Adoptive parents do not only exercise the role of guardians; their generosity and their desire to transmit love leave their mark on life. Adopting a child means recognizing as a child someone who is not biologically so, in order to form a family.

Doubts and questions

It is normal to have doubts and fears from the very beginning of this complex path. The insecurity of adoptive parents leads them to ask questions and have mixed feelings: "Will I be a good father or a good mother?", "Will I be able to make you love me?", "Will we really be a family?".

One of the fears most shared by adoptive parents is that their child does not feel loved like a biological child; besides he will need adults, parents sure of what they do, their feelings and the decisions they make to feel really safe. He does not need parents full of doubts, but who face this moment with serenity.

Adopting a child: 4 thoughts to make

According to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, adoption is not a solution to a fertility problem or a will to parenthood, but a way to protect a child who has been denied childhood, to respect his right to have a family and the obligation of administrations to find a family for the child.

Adopting a child is not a decision to be made lightly

The first question that parents who have decided to adopt must ask themselves is: "Why do we want to adopt a child?", "What are the reasons or reasons that prompted us to make this decision? ”.

Starting from this moment, a hard journey will begin, made up of bureaucracy, various phases of evaluation during which parents will have to prove that they are suitable candidates. Their lives will be scrutinized, with the sole purpose of finding the best possible family for the boy or girl. At this stage, the anxiety or stress that the situation can generate in the would-be parents takes a back seat.

A premise is that adoption is a long and often difficult process to deal with. The specialists who are involved in acting as intermediaries in this process, must delve into various topics, such as work, friendships or the attitude of the intended adoptive parents.

Often the number of questions, interviews or inquiries about one's own lives can seem excessive (something nature doesn't do when we decide to have a baby). It is important to be patient and not lose sight of the goal: to adopt a child. On the other hand, the skilled mediators who deal with this assignment must be sensitive enough to distinguish insurmountable obstacles from those that can be overcome with effort, intelligence and some resources that can be resorted to at some point.

Prepare for interviews in advance

The strong desire to have a child as soon as possible makes the would-be parents perceive the wait as infinite. It must be emphasized, however, that the criteria sought by mediators - however unjust and subjective they may seem - are based on laws established by international conferences, which if seen as a whole have a logic; especially in the context of uncertainty surrounding the issue of adoption and childhood.

During the interviews, the reasons that led to the adoption are asked; we then proceed with an analysis of the couple's relationship, of the parents' personality, their physical health and their ability to consolidate and develop the parent-child relationship.

Adoption is not a work of charity

Obviously, adoption is not a work of charity! Both parents and adopted children go through complicated emotional states. It's about tackling a project together, not doing a huge favor. Not to mention the fact that at a given moment, a child's commitment could represent a considerable burden.

The parents' wish comes true the moment the child arrives in the house. This very important phase - which is not the last step, as there is still a lot of work to be done - comes after having already overcome some obstacles. For example, what we have already reported: bear with a smile that a stranger asks direct and very personal questions.

On the other hand, the interest in adoption must always be seen from the perspective of the child. Parents are important, of course. But first of all, there is the lesser; he has fewer resources, he is more defenseless. After all, it is he who has the right to parents, to a family, and not vice versa.

Facing a new life

It is not easy to predict how the adopted child will adapt to his new family and new home. The concept of adoption becomes even more complicated when we talk about children born in other countries, with stories and life experiences that can influence integration into the new environment.

Contrary to what one might think at first, adopted boys and girls tend to adapt easily, in general; namely that they do not show profound difficulties on a personal, social, family or school level, making comparisons with their non-adopted peers.

As for the new parents, a good solution to solve all their doubts it is making friends with other adoptive families and seeking support in adoptive parenting associations. It is necessary not to have expectations about the period of family settlement after the arrival of the boy or girl. It is a passing stage, in which a bond is established based on love, respect and mutual trust.

Neither flesh nor blood, it is the heart that makes us parents and children.

-J. Schiller-

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