Last update: December 17, 2015
To truly love means to know, recognize and assume that people have as many defects as virtues, that some habits probably bother us, that it is not all roses and that we do not live in a fairy tale made up of princes and princesses in love.
No, true love is something that goes beyond loving coincidences. A sincere and true love means falling in love with differences with great intensity, tolerating defects and opening the doors of trust.
You cannot say you love another person until you know his demons, anger, anger and contradictions. You have to really love to understand that not everything is beautiful in a relationship, but that there is also chaos, accompanied by dynamite.
Summing up, love is living together taking care of many details, build a puzzle and make castles in the air based on dreams and disappointments. If we understand all this, then we will understand the true value of permanence, of the fact that there are feelings that remain, that are not disposable.
Key tips for nurturing the idea of a healthy relationship
To truly love is a great challenge. To succeed, therefore, we must first get rid of all the ideas that prevent us from facing reality. To do this, we must have certain concepts clear that will help us understand what true love is and what is not. Let's see them together.
1. Fall in love with yourself and with life, then love whoever you want
To love without dependence and necessity, one must first value oneself. This means that to say "I love you", first you need to know how to say "I love myself". Self-love and self-knowledge is the key to establishing healthy relationships.
In summary, we can say that, to find the right person, we must be ready to be in a relationship. This requires inner work which can be hard, but which will pay off.
“If love were a tree, the roots would be self-love. The more we love ourselves, the more fruits we will receive from our love for others and the more lasting they will be over time "
- Walter Riso -
2. To love means to love without conditions and without exceptions
It is normal and natural that we do not like everything about our partner. Nevertheless, differences make love beautiful and complete. If we only love what we like or in the way we idealize it, the affection will not last, as we are beings full of light and shadow.
3. To love does not mean to need, but to prefer
Addiction and love are so opposed that if we force them to live together they end up destroying each other. No one in the world has the responsibility to complete what we lack. For this reason, preferring, instead of needing, gives more value to the person we love, because we value them for who they are and not for what they give us.
The conclusion of this point is closely related to the first: we must work on ourselves and take care of ourselves so as not to fall into the trap of the "need" for someone to heal our wounds and fill our shortcomings. The key to true love is within ourselves.
4. Being the perfect couple doesn't mean having no problems, but knowing how to solve them
Sometimes we make the mistake of believing that in order for love to work it is necessary to have no problems, not argue, understand each other 100% and always be available to the other. Love, on the other hand, means facing good and evil without any kind of anesthesia. It is necessary to contemplate the stark reality, and to solve problems through respect, compromise and stability.
5. Love does not grow out of nothing, love is built
To build love, you need to form a team and set the rules of the game. In order to play together, we must be aware of the fact that it is necessary to communicate, listen with sincerity and empathy, dialogue openly and eliminate claims.
Love is built on the basis of support, recognition and true affection. Thanks to these premises, it is possible to build something better than love: complicity.
6. To love fully, one must establish one's own emotional limits
A healthy relationship is not based on power games or conditions, but stems from common, balanced and healthy purposes. This is why we must get rid of the idea of sacrifice for love.
There are things we must not tolerate, such as abuse, deception, emotional manipulation, mistreatment, or the violation of our values. All of this is based on a lack of respect and love, and therefore rejecting it means not overstepping our emotional limits.
7. True love is recognized not by what it demands, but by what it offers
Love is neither control nor requirement, it is freedom and trust. Despite this, emotional slavery is far more common than we'd like to admit: in fact, it's all too common to come across misconceptions regarding compromise and the couple.
Victimization must be eliminated and certain acts must be reproached to the partner. This behavior imprisons us in a negative spiral that feeds our relationship made of darkness, lack of trust and false expectations.
If in order to stay close to someone we have to sacrifice a part of ourselves and of our life, even in this case love destroys us. Love is based on the respect and individual growth of each of the two members of the couple.
8. If love fits you tight, it's not your size
If love hurts, it means that it is not love, that we are confusing feelings and that we are hurting ourselves. If we're drowning, it's time to rise to the surface. We are not the ones who have to change to be able to match with the partner, we simply may not have found the right size shoes for us yet. If the relationship is a source of pain, it is best to let go.
If one member of the couple rejects a part of the other, then it's time to say goodbye and let go. It is time to re-prioritize and understand what makes us suffer in order to get rid of it.
Each of these tips will help you have a healthy and lasting relationship. It is time to get rid of all those ideas that contradict values such as freedom, trust and self-care.