Life is simple, it is we who strive to complicate it. One of our biggest problems is that we refuse to live in the present, so we are always trapped between the past and the future. When good things happen to us we do not fully enjoy them because we continue to worry about the future and when negative things happen to us we tend to deny them, as if by doing so we could make them disappear.
Being absent and denying reality further aggravates problems and often prevents us from dealing with adversity effectively as we are not sufficiently objective. Practicing radical acceptance is a huge step towards our well-being. And we can start with precisely some truths of life that are difficult to accept, but when we finally understand and accept them they will have a liberating effect.
1. People leave
Each person has their own path, sometimes we are lucky enough to coincide for a very long period of time, other times the time does not seem sufficient. While it hurts to accept it, the fact is that people are constantly moving in and out of our lives, and we do the same with them.
It's sad, especially when we have a special bond with someone, but learning to "let go" is one of the hardest lessons we face in life. Sometimes people come back, other times they go away forever, the important thing is to take advantage of the wonderful moments that we can spend next to them. When there is a strong emotional bond, time will never be enough, but having the certainty that we are fully enjoying this relationship is a great balm to heal the emptiness that will arise later.
2. Learn to take care of yourself, no one else can do it for you
We need the help of others, especially in difficult times, but the fact is that when emotional wounds occur, only we can heal them. The people who accompany us can encourage and comfort us, but it is we who must find the strength to carry on.
This means that we must pay more attention to ourselves and not neglect the child who lives within us. An excellent technique is to practice meditation in front of the mirror. During the first few minutes nothing will happen, but if you persist, little by little you will begin to see that person reflected in the mirror in a different way.
3. If you want something, you have to give something in return
We live in the era of instant gratification, but the truth is that things of value have always required a dose of risk and sacrifice. And that hasn't changed. If you really want something, if you have a dream, you have to fight for it. However, this often means that you will have to give up something.
Every decision involves choosing to follow one path and discarding others, which means that you will have to give up many other things. Pretending to have it all is a childish and unrealistic attitude that leads to frustration. Therefore, we only have to decide if the sacrifice is really worth it, decide what we are willing to give to get something in return.
4. You cannot escape the pain
Life includes all extremes: love and hate, health and disease, gain and loss. We cannot live in a bubble pretending to always be safe from pain, suffering and disappointment, because that would mean that we are not living.
In a sense, painful emotions purify us and make us more human, restore our mortality and often allow us to develop a more balanced perspective on life as well. Of course, no one wants to suffer, but since adversity will also knock on our door, the most sensible thing to do is to accept what has happened and try to put the pieces back together as quickly as possible.
5. The bonds that comfort you are the same ones that imprison you
Throughout our lives, we maintain special relationships, establish bonds that comfort us and make us feel safe. It can be our parents, family, friends… Knowing that they are there for us gives us a pleasant feeling of tranquility. However, the same bonds that comfort us are also those that imprison us. It is a difficult reality to accept, but it is true.
Addiction is a major cause of suffering and can become an obstacle that prevents us from developing our full potential. In fact, when emotional bonds cease to be comforting and become too close, they turn into a problem. We need to find balance, in order to develop mature relationships in which no one feels the owner of the other and everyone has the maximum freedom to be themselves, and to make their own decisions.
6. Security is an illusion
We spend most of our lives looking for safety, and when we believe we have found it we treasure it as if it were a jewel that we can keep in a safe. Thinking in terms of security and stability comforts us and allows us to alleviate the uncertainty of the future. But while it is true that we need a certain degree of stability and security, it is no less true that most of the things we take for granted can disappear at any moment.
Understanding that security is just an illusion, more or less intense depending on the person, is extremely liberating because it will allow us to stop clinging to things and people, to learn to truly and fully enjoy life. Being fully aware that what we have today we may not have tomorrow allows us to value it much more and, above all, to feel more satisfied and happy here and now.
7. Life is neither fair nor unfair
Life is just life, it is a continuous flow in which everything changes continuously. Life is not fair or unfair, it is the labels that we apply according to our expectations, according to what we think we deserve or not, that make it seem right or not. Therefore, it is absolutely useless to think that life has not rewarded us as we deserved, because this only generates a deep sense of dissatisfaction and can also lay the foundation for learned helplessness.
Life is precious, with its best and worst times, and we must be prepared to enjoy the good times and face the difficult ones. Making value judgments will add nothing constructive to the situation.