Determining when someone has exceeded a physical limit is very easy, even the simplest people can. However, the psychological limits are more subtle and it is more difficult to realize that someone is exceeding them.
Either way, the main problem is that most of us aren't aware of our emotional limitations, so it's hard for us to accurately determine when someone has crossed the line. To avoid a problem we tend to postpone the accident, which means that we extend our limits, sometimes going far beyond what would be recommended.
It is worth remembering that expanding our limits is not bad in itself. In reality, the most creative, intelligent and sensitive people are characterized by more flexible limits and being willing to expand them when necessary. But there are times when we have to assert our rights, otherwise, otherwise, we risk ending up emotionally submissive. The first step is learning to recognize when someone is overstepping our limits.
- Justify the person's behavior
One of the signs that someone may have crossed the line are the excuses used to justify the behavior. It is common in relationships, especially when violence is involved, be it physical or psychological. The typical justification is this: "He is very good to me, he treats me badly just because he has problems at work." Or when we overlook a joke that has deeply hurt us because, after all, that person "loves us".
The truth is that even if we are sure that the other person loves us, violence and other behaviors that cause us harm are not allowed and should never be justified. We have to be very careful, because the lines between understanding and submission are very thin. So the next time you try to figure out why a person behaves a certain way, let's make sure we're not making up an excuse to avoid an argument and feel good about ourselves.
- Taking the blame for things that go wrong
If we constantly blame ourselves for all the things that go wrong, both at home and at work, it is very likely that there is someone in our life who is pushing our limits. Taking responsibility for our actions is a commendable act, but we cannot take on the responsibilities of others because if we do it we will never solve the problem, on the contrary, we will contribute to making it more serious. For example, if a colleague has appropriated the success of the project you have done together, you should not think that it is your fault because you have not been able to defend the project at the presentation stage. It may be true that you have a hard time speaking in public, but that doesn't mean you haven't worked hard to get to that point and your effort should be recognized. Therefore, that person is invading your space by appropriating a merit that is also yours. Do not feel guilty, fight for everything that corresponds to you.
- Doubting decisions made after listening to the opinions of others
If after making a decision you begin to doubt when you hear another person's opinion, it is likely that a friend, colleague or family member is trying to interfere in your life. It is worth remembering that when we are at a crossroads, it is common for us to consult with other people and ask for their judgment. Sometimes a different point of view can make us change our minds and there is nothing wrong with that. In reality, it is an enriching process. But there are times when people try to manipulate us once we've made a decision. The classic example is parents who claim to unconditionally support their child, but later continually argue his decision trying to get him to change course.
- Your opinions are not taken into account
If you often feel that your opinions, desires and preferences are not taken into account, it is likely that someone is pushing your limits. In interpersonal relationships it is necessary to continuously negotiate decisions. Even if you are hardly ever aware of this, the fact is that we spend most of the day trying to reach agreements. Some may seem trivial, like choosing a restaurant or a movie, while others are more important, like buying a house or deciding to have a child. In a balanced relationship, each party must strive to satisfy the other by finding a middle ground that satisfies both of them. However, there are times when a person imposes his own judgment and does not take into account the opinions and preferences of others. When it gets to that point, there is a clear violation of your personal rights.
- You feel "small"
In the most extreme cases, when the person has endured for several years that others violate his limits, he can get to experience the feeling of being nobody, as if his own "I" has vanished. In fact, this is exactly what happens. The point is that our psychological limits not only serve to indicate to people how they can relate to us, but also determine our personality; that is, they identify us and differentiate us from others. Therefore, it is normal for people who are unable to set healthy limits to suffer from damage to their self-esteem, experience how their range of interests is slowly dwindling and ultimately feel lost.
What to do when someone has exceeded your limits?
When you realize that your limits have been violated it should be clearly stated. Express what you think and how you feel, clarify your position so that the situation does not happen again in the future. Sure, it's not worth getting angry or making a fuss of it, but it's enough to use a relaxed but firm tone. The essential concept that we want to communicate is that we are not willing to compromise on some points.