Relationships between people are not an exact science. We often act instinctively, make mistakes and try again in the hope that this is the right time. But when things go wrong, we tend to blame the other and struggle to acknowledge our share of responsibility. So, this time I would like to address some habits of our way of communicating that are quite common, and that can ruin a relationship.
Habits that have no place in a healthy and mature relationship
- Downplaying what the other person feels. One of the first things we are taught in the psychology faculty is not to minimize the problems experienced by the person who asks for our help. Telling him it's nothing important is stupid, and it means starting on the wrong foot. Because what we think is insignificant can be very important to another person! This same principle applies to relationships: the other person has feelings and we have no right to judge them, belittle them or even make fun of them. No matter how irrational or absurd these feelings may seem, we must always try to put ourselves in the other person's place to understand how he feels and why. It is normal not to share some feelings with the partner, because, after all, we are two different people, but we must learn to respect the things that are important to each other.
- Deny a mistake. Recognizing a mistake made, and apologizing for it, excites us as people. We all make mistakes and have the right to rectify, if we don't, we are sending the message that the other person doesn't care enough. In a relationship, refusing to acknowledge a mistake can only make matters worse. Often, the two lovers turn into sword-in-hand opponents, ready to duel to defend their honor. When this occurs frequently, it ends up undermining the relationship and causing constant arguments. Always remember that an "sorry" said from the heart can help prevent these problems.
- Respond with sarcasm. Some people use sarcasm as a defense mechanism, not to show how vulnerable they are. In reality, this is a wrong strategy, because sarcasm always conveys contempt and underestimation for the other. Therefore, it is one of the mistakes that we should avoid at all costs in a relationship. If you're not willing to emotionally open up and show your weaknesses with your partner it's because something isn't working in the relationship, sarcasm is the wake-up call.
- Postpone the discussion. When the other person is very nervous, tense, or irritated, it's best to postpone the discussion. But this attitude shouldn't be the norm, in particular, you shouldn't implement this strategy by hurrying off, turning your back and slamming the door. Relationship problems must be discussed, otherwise they accumulate and end up undermining the relationship. If you notice that your partner is not in the mood to argue, politely ask him to postpone the conversation for another day, but don't interrupt him by leaving him half-spoken, as that would just be saying that you don't care about what. has to say.
- Make gestures that convey boredom. Our extra-verbal communication says much more than the words themselves. Often we do not realize it, but we send many signals through voluntary, involuntary gestures or facial expressions, which transmit to our partner our state of mind and what we are feeling and thinking at the moment we manifest them. It is not necessary to transform yourself into a psychologist expert in microexpressions, but it would be useful if you could control those gestures that your partner has repeatedly reported to you as annoying.