Last update: June 13, 2017
Breakups in love are usually very difficult to overcome, even traumatic. In fact, the couple is one of the times that most worries a large number of people in the world. It has become a feared territory, but at the same time desired as a dimension that many aim for in order to achieve happiness.
It is not common for a couple to sit down to evaluate their problems and decide that it is time to break up. Most breakups are to some extent sudden for one of them. It is equally common that it is accompanied by conflict, confusion and doubt.
"In a discussion it is not difficult to defend our opinion, but rather to know it"
-André Maurois-
On countless occasions the end of a story occurs when there is still love between the couple. Maybe it doesn't shine, maybe it's not like that of the first days, but it's there. And the feeling is felt more intensely just when everything ends and you can measure the emptiness left by the other person in your life.
It's always best to be safe, especially if you really love your partner and want the relationship to last a long time. This is why it is important be careful and do not allow certain erosive agents to begin to deteriorate the relationship. Among these there are three that intervene in most of the amorous breakups. Are the following.
The excess of criticism: a factor that leads to a break in love
Just as there is nothing but praise in the beginning, many couples come to a point where the opposite happens. The criticisms are continuous. Many derive from a certain disillusionment that arises when falling in love and, with it, idealization ceases.
There are those who accuse their partner of not being the "prince charming" or "princess" they fell in love with. Basically what the person criticizes the partner is not having fulfilled this fantasy that he had in his mind. You say that the other has changed; to a certain extent he feels deceived by discovering that he is not the "half of the apple" he had dreamed of, but a human being with worldly needs and totally amusing defects.
Criticism is more appropriate in other areas, such as business or intellectual. In the world of couples, you can live without it. You always have the option to accept the other or not, but if you don't let them go and accept them at the same time, the climate can become very tense.. Many romantic breakups would be avoided if, instead of fighting for the other to change, one worked on oneself to accept it. It is not the same, for example, not to show your love as not to do it as the other person would like.
Defensive behaviors
These behaviors commonly appear when a prior conflict has not been resolved. All couples have problems. They all face situations in which they have to forgive, but sometimes these incidents are not treated properly and there remains "something" that continues to cause silent damage.
Defensive behaviors occur even when one of the two is very insecure and develops a great dependence. Both in this case and in the front, a hellish situation will follow for both. One will feel threatened, be this real or imagined, and the other will be an eternal suspect who will begin to develop unfounded feelings of guilt or control their partner's fears.
In these conditions the couple no longer feels united by love, but by conflict. From two people who are supposed to support and empower each other, you become a kind of undeclared enemy. We don't trust each other. You protect yourself from your partner. At this point, either the problem is faced to find a solution or a breakup occurs which can be very healthy for both of us.
Avoid conflict
Avoiding conflict is also a defensive behavior, but it is expressed in a passive or latent way. The logic that prevails is to ignore the problems in order not to give rise to discussions, distances or, of course, breakups.
One of the two may be acting wrong, reckless or harmful to the other. However, the partner does not speak, does not say anything because he knows that doing so could be the straw that will break the camel's back and lead to the end of the story. To combine in this case are addiction and fear.
Unfortunately, however much conflict is avoided, it does not go away. If you leave a problem pending, it tends not to dilute, but to grow. There is usually great distress, as well as deep sadness or even depression. Meanwhile, the core problem continues to worsen.
Keeping a couple together isn't just a matter of affection. Intelligence is required to deal with the contradictions that always arise. If you are interested in keeping love alive and avoiding breakup, the best thing you can do is learn to communicate in a loving but always frank way. And abandon the teenage fantasies that bring much more pain than satisfaction.
Images courtesy of Darek Puczel
