10 things you have to give up to be happy

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Louise Hay
@louisehay
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Many times, the cause of unhappiness lies in our understanding of the world and, above all, in all the things we cling to. Excessive attachment causes us pain, stress and suffering, but we usually don't notice it, so instead of practicing detachment, we cling even more to what hurts us. So, if you want to be happier, or at least maintain a mental balance that allows us to enjoy life more, it is advisable to let go of all the things that harm us and do nothing.



Giving up is not losing, but opening up to new opportunities


1. Renounce the need to always be right

“Most people prefer to agree quickly before listening to them,” Montesquieu said. He was referring to the fact that many discussions begin and continue only because we cling to the desire to be right. However, in many cases it is convenient to ask whether it is more important to be right, with all the psychological strain that this entails, rather than being calm. Sometimes, we just have to get rid of that urgent need to jump from one discussion to another to try and figure out who is wrong. When we give up the need to be right, we will live much lighter.

2. Give up the need to control everything

“When we can no longer change the situation, we can only change ourselves”, said Viktor Frankl stating that often the only thing we can control is our reactions. Therefore, it is important to give up the need to control everything that happens around us, both situations and people. Losing control can be very strange at first, you will feel that you have no points of support, but very soon you will also realize that it is the best way to get rid of stress. Let others be themselves and learn to adapt to circumstances.



3. Give up the desire to complain

“Those who complain about the way the ball bounces are those who don't know how to hit it,” said José Ingenieros. To maintain our mental balance it is essential that we give up the constant need to complain about everything, the boss, the partner, the employee on duty, the time, the politicians ... When complaints lead nowhere, they do not elevate us to a plane in which we can change things, they only serve to generate more discomfort. This does not mean that you have to passively suffer everything that happens to you, but if you want to change something, do it! Don't sit around complaining.

4. Give up criticizing

“Our criticism is to blame others for not having the qualities we think we have,” said Jules Renard. Unfortunately, for many people, criticism is like breathing, something natural that has taken root in their thinking. But criticism is usually one of the most debilitating habits, since it usually leads nowhere. Criticizing others means spending too many resources evaluating what they do or don't do, instead of focusing on how we can improve ourselves.

5. Give up the need to impress others

“What do you think most people dedicate their lives to? To impress others! " Anthony de Mello said. But if there is something that makes you unhappy, it is living according to the canons of others, in the desire to impress them. This kind of thinking will take you away from your essence, to the point of taking away meaning from your life. Instead, you should strive to be authentic and improve yourself every day. That's when a little miracle occurs: When you stop trying to impress others, you really hit them with your naturalness.



6. Waiver of labels

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you know nothing about,” Wayne Dyer said. It is true that labels make it easier to relate to the world because they allow you to categorize everything from situations to people. But precisely for this reason they also become a double-edged sword, since they represent an extremely reductive vision of the most complex reality. When you label someone or yourself, you immediately lose sight of all the wealth that doesn't fit into that label. Therefore, make sure you use as few labels as possible.

7. Renounce living conditioned by expectations

“Peace begins when expectations run out,” said Sri Chinmoy. Unfortunately, many people cannot get rid of their influence and live in bitterness because they have unrealistic expectations. Thus, they spend their entire life going from one disappointment to another and from one disillusionment to another. The problem is that they expect too much from others or from themselves, so every little dose of reality is a blow.

8. Renounce hatred

"Hate is a feeling that can only exist in the total absence of intelligence," wrote Tennessee Williams referring to the fact that hate is a poison that you ingest thinking it will harm the other. Both hatred and resentment are extremely harmful to those who feel them, so the wisest thing to do is to let them go. Instead, we should have feelings of love, compassion, and understanding.


9. Renounce resistance to change

“Follow your happiness and the universe will open doors where there were only walls,” said Joseph Campbell. Sometimes it's just necessary to learn to flow with the course of life, keeping ourselves open to opportunities as they arise. We must not forget that change is good and it is the only constant in life. Resisting involves holding on to something that has become obsolete, as well as undergoing completely unnecessary stress. Only when we accept change can we open doors where walls once stood.


10. Waiver of Guilt

“Almost all of the unhappiness in life comes from a tendency to blame someone else,” said Brian Tracy. Giving up the tendency to blame others for what you have or don't have, what you feel or don't feel, what happened to you or not, is the best way to take control of your life. Developing an internal locus of control, taking responsibility for your decisions, is the best way to get what you want.

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